I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
