i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
