Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
