You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
