Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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