how can u be prego again
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
