birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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