This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
