Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
