I've blown a few things in my day
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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