Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm really busy with my period
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