why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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