He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
