So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
