I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
