How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
