TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
