Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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