I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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