Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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