You're so nebulous sometimes
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
