Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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