Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
