Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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