His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he fucked my hip out of place.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
