The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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