first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
