toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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