i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
