i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
