Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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