then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
She's the barista slut.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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