One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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