Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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