My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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