Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
