if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
