yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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