There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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