Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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