I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
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the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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