I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
