Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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