I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
