Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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