awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
