a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Still dying that you shit outside
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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