My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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