I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
