i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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