Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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