Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
