I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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