Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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