What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
