Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I still have a little drunk in my system
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
