Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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