i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
