ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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