Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Randomize
