let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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