In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
