Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
