I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
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I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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