Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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