Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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