i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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