Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
