I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
