I like to think it a success when the cops are called
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
