She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
