Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
