Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
