I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
