No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
