it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
What a dumb baby whore.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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